Oksana Grigorieva: Gold-Digger or Professional Musician?

I am just sick and tired of Oksana being portrayed as a gold-digger. It's this kind of twisted statement that abusive men like Mel Gibson commonly use to trivialize a woman. And it is REALLY pissing me off, especially given her background. With all this press I haven't heard a word about her actual career - she's being made out to be a money-grubbing young ditsy model who's whole life is spent leeching off men.

On the contrary, she's over 40 years old and has had a VERY respectable career as a pianist and composer. Here's what I've gleamed from her from Wikipedia and other places:

Oksana Grigorieva (born 1970) is a 40 year old Russian pianist, composer and singer-songwriter. She was born in Saransk, Russia to parents who were both music professors and completed conservatoire studies in Moscow and Kazan, before moving to London. While studying music there at the Royal Academy of Music, she worked as a model, "In order to support myself I started to model. I did a lot of it, print, mostly. I've always looked after myself." says Grigorieva. I've never been dependent on anyone financially."

Grigorieva subsequently moved to the United States, and spent time living in New York and Los Angeles where she Grigorieva composed and performed music, and produced works for theatre, independent film and commercials. She also taught music and patented a technique of teaching musical notation to children.

Grigorieva gained attention as a songwriter in 2006, after the song that she wrote, "Un Dia Llegara", became popular on the Josh Groban album, Awake. Las Vegas Review-Journal highlighted the song in a review of the album commenting, "Groban's most effective tunes tend to be his most unadorned, when he favors understatement over ostentation, such as on ... the tremulous slow burn of 'Un Dia Llegara,' with its touches of flamenco guitar." In a 2007 concert, Groban himself introduced the song to his fans as a "beauty" and the Philippine Daily Inquirer hailed it as an "outstanding track".  Fred Shuster of Daily News of Los Angeles reviewed the album, and commented, "The gorgeous 'Un Dia Llegara,' opening with a sweep of guitar, sets the mood for romantic highlights to come"
In 2009, Grigorieva's music album Beautiful Heartache (exec-produced by Gibson) was released and well-received, with positive reception from Reuters calling it, " a collection of wistful love songs, blending shimmering string arrangements with pop and jazz-influenced arrangements that showcase Grigorieva's soulful voice." The album garnered the singer "rave reviews" from ABC News' music critics and Jack Foley of IndieLondon gave it a rating of 4 out of 5 commenting, "throughout, she displays a keen ear for melody, for honest emotional simplicity and classic values. She’s well worth taking the time to check out".

Beautiful Heartache includes 11 tracks, and features a cover of the Russian song "Dark Eyes" and a collaboration with Charlie Midnight. It was marketed as "grown-up, piano-led pop, heavy on classical motifs". Grigorieva wrote the entire album, save for the song "Say My Name" (co-written with Gibson) which was included in the 2010 film, Edge of Darkness. The song "Angel" was named for her son Alexander.

In her personal life, Grigorieva was married in 1989 to a fellow Russian. In 1992, she married British artist Nicholas Rowland, then in 1995 met actor Timothy Dalton while she was employed as a translator for filmmaker Nikita Mikhalkov. The two married in 1997 had her son Alexander, together,

10 years later, Grigorieva became romantically involved with actor Mel Gibson and their daughter Lucia was born on October 30, 2009. The couple later separated and in June 2010, Grigorieva obtained a restraining order against Gibson, stating he had physically assaulted her. And that's where we are now.
I listened to her music and liked it so much I bought the album.  I also listened to her composition on the Groban album. Really wonderful. As far as I'm concerned she's like so many other talented struggling artists who continue to do their work however they can.

After reading the transcripts to the conversations below, I can imagine what happened.

At 37, Grigorieva had been able to make a humble but respectable living off her skills as a composer, singer and music teacher.  She meets Mel Gibson, a huge movie star and leading man who whisks her off her feet and she falls madly in love. I mean, come on, he's Mel Gibson. But he's a married man and the only way they can be together is when he's on location away from his family. He's obviously not going to join her world - so it's she who must join his. She's now hanging out in the upper echelon of Hollywood where money flows like water and everyone lives high on the hog. She goes with the flow. Mel, being the magnanimous soul that he is, invites her to live with him and offers to pay her way if she makes herself free to travel with him.

The problem is, she actually does have a career, as pitiful as it seems compared to his, and she's  concerned about dropping everything when she needs to make a living and do her art. So he tells her how extraordinarily talented he thinks she is and how she can do her music with him. He's so impressed with her work, he wants her to compose a song for his Edge of Darkness flick and will build her professional recording studio at a home they share so she never has to even leave the house! When that's done, he offers to produce an album for her - that sure will keep her busy.

What struggling musician wouldn't jump at this? Create beautiful music with the man you love? Not only that, but in a TV interview for Beautiful Heartache she reveals that she's also set to score an upcoming film he's producing set in Mexico.

Now, for some reason, his wife of almost 30 years, Robyn, has been ignoring this affair since it's well known that Mel has always been quite the ladies man. She's more of a traditional housewife and mother whose sole career has been running their home and raising their seven children - content to let Mel do his Hollywood thing.  But when Oksana gets pregnant - the shit hits the proverbial fan. Apparently, Robyn finally got mad, and gives him an ultimatum.

But, instead of dumping the trifle like he's done in the past - Mel makes the decision to leave his wife and children start a new life with Oksana.

This is when it ALL starts to really unravel.  My guess is this that real-life with Oksana is VERY different from life with Robyn. Robyn built her entire life around Mel - HE was her career. Although Oksana is in love and happy to start their family, Mel now has to deal with a "modern" woman for the first time. And a fellow artist. An equal who's trying to balance her honey, baby and career.  And combine that with the enormous guilt he must have for leaving his wife and family - and you get pressure.

THIS woman BETTER measure up.
THIS woman BETTER be worth losing everything for.
THIS woman BETTER do whatever the fuck he says.

Unfortunately, THIS woman didn't. And therein lies the rub.

My guess is he couldn't control her the way he could easily control Robyn. That's why Robyn was able to declare to an L.A. judge last week that her ex-husband had never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward her before. He probably hadn't needed to. They were in sync with who the boss was.

That's just my gut talking. Why not give a read to the following transcripts, and let me know what you think is really going on here.  I'm curious.

O: Listen to me, Mel.

M: What?

O: I don't give a damn if you don't spend another penny on me.

M: Oh, yes you do, because (unintelligible, both of them yelling) ...

O: I'm just fearing for the life of my daughter.

M: … you'll find some other fucker to pay for you.

O: Listen to me, listen to me.

M: Then leave, cunt, bitch, golddigger, cunt, whore. And that's what you are.

O: Listen.

M: And you have just proved it. You got out of here in record time.

O: (yelling) Because I'm saving my life, and I'm saving my daughter's life. That's what I'm doing. I don't give a damn about my music, and I don't give a damn if you spend another penny, I'm saving her life.

and in another charming call ...

M: Um, don't hire (name omitted) to come there, OK? Did you get that message?

O: Well, I'll pay her myself, I found her, she's my dentist's ex-babysitter.

M: I've been paying her. It's my money that she gets paid with. I'm her employer. Not you. You found her. I'm her employer.

O: Fine, but I, I, if I need to use her - I will use her, I …

M: … because I will not pay her if you bring her to your house. I will fire her, and I will do it fast.

O: Okay, then I'll pay her, because I need her. She's good.

M: No! You're paying her with my money. It doesn't matter what you give her, it's my fucking money. You understand? You're not … you don't have your own money, you're only using my money. OK?

O: Because you made me moneyless. I used to have hundred thousand dollars a year when you met me. You took me. You possessed me. Everything I am, you own me with my liver and my kidneys and my thoughts and my soul (getting angry) everything! My career, whatever it is, pathetic career, whatever it is, is yours. You control me like marionette. I don't belong to myself, only to you. I can't do anything and I walk on eggshells always, with you."

M: That's because you're a fucking using whore. Now I own you! Do not use (name omitted) at your house. I have warned you, she will be fired if she goes to your house. You find that cunt (name omitted) and you find some other money that's not mine. OK?

O: No, I'm using (name omitted) …

M: She's fired, do you understand that?

O: Fine, she's fired.

M: So fire her! Because I won't pay her!

O: OK, don't pay her.

M: And I will fire her!

O: That's okay.

M: She only works at my house!

O: Well, she has nothing to do with your house. The baby's here.

M: The baby should be here, and she should work at my house.

O: The baby is where I am. You're insane.

M: The baby will not be there for long. I will fire (name omitted) if she is at your house. I will make it known and fire her.

O: Fine.

M: I'll report her to the fucking people who take fucking money from the wetbacks, OK?

O: Mel. You can't just take a woman who gives you a child, who gives you her entire life, you drag her through god-knows-what, bad press … I've never had a bad word said about me in my entire life …

M: A cunt (unintelligible) …

O: (yelling) And then, and then you're telling me that you take away whatever pennies you just given to me? I don't have anything because I've given you my life! Three years, now!

M: I've given you everything, don't you dare fucking complain to me. How fucking dare you! You don't fucking count. You're a fucking using whore.

O: What did I use you for? I've given you everything I had.

M: Every-fucking-thing!

O: I've given you everything! I've been your woman, I've given you your child, what the fuck are you talking about?

M: (garbled) … bitch. That's all.You would've done it for any fucking (name omitted) you probably fucked (name omitted).

O: Wow.

M: I know you did. That fucking ass.

O: I swear in front of God I never have.

M: Fuck an ugly man, you don't give a fuck, so long as they pay your fucking rent.

O: I am not a whore, and I am not a bitch …

M: (screaming) Are so!

O: … and I am not a cunt, and I am not a user, and I am not a thief, I'm not all those words. And I am not a liar. All these, all these ... lies …

M: ... what I said (unintelligible cross-yelling) ...

O: … lies. I am not a whore, a cunt, a thief, or prostitute, or anything that you call me. Nor a user, not a golddigger. I don't have any money or any property assigned to me. That's a golddigger for you? Are you insane? Yes, you are.  Of course, we can hear that.

M: You bitch, you get everything you want.

O: Don't call me a bitch. Don't call me …

M: You get everything you want.

O: You have no right. I don't have a penny to me.What kind of golddigging, what kind of golddigging whore is this?

M: Oh, god, cry, poor (garbled), you could go through money like a fucking whore. You want the fucking dress, you want the tickets, you want the fucking equipment. Funny how it went from 33 to 43 …

O: (sigh) Mel ... (cross-talking)

M: … 12,000 dollars …

O: Mel, the equipment is instead of payment. If you hire any composer you'll have to pay $200,000 plus!

M: (screaming) I don't have to! I can do it for nothing! I don't need you, and I don't want you doing it, and I don't think you can do it. Alright?

O: Fine.

M: That's how little I think of your fucking talent.

O: Well, it's clear now. Everything ... it's all coming out now.

M: It's all fucking true.

O: Yeah.

M: Fuck you, you're a fucking whore (unintelligible) ...

O: I think you just, I think you just ... all you wanted to do is just shove me in a hole and sit me at home.  So much for your promise 'I want to let you fly,' It's such bullshit. It's such arrogant bullshit. You never meant to do that.

M: I'm letting you fly now, cunt!

O: What?

M: Fly away!

O: What?

M: I gave you every fucking opportunity (garbled) ...

O: I've done extremely well, but nobody asked you to spend so much money on the videos and everything. And why do you count the food out of my mouth? Why do you do that? I live with you. I gave you a baby. We're together. And you're counting that and summing it all up? Why do you not separate those two? If you count the food in my mouth, why don't you separate it? How about you giving me money and I'm feeding you and going shopping all the time and buying you extravagant presents.

M: (screeching) What are you talking about, you fragging ignorant bitch? I don't understand you! You're saying stupid shit. How dare you even fucking insult me with some of the stupid reasoning you have. Your logic sucks because you're a fucking mentally deprived idiot! You can't even fucking figure out …

O: OK. I have to go to the baby …

M: (unintelligible) ... the tax money is on the credit cards. Don't you get it?

O: Goodbye, Mel. The baby is crying, I have to go.

M: Go look after my child.

O: She's my child, too.

M: Yeah, I know, unfortunately you cunt whore. I hope she doesn't turn out like you.